I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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