Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
