Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
