i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
