Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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