Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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