I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
