What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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