If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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