I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
