So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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