Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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