she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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