You can't motorboat a personality
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
