I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
