will power is for people who don't want to get laid
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
