Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
