Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
