Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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