nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
