i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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