You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
