I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
