You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
