I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
