i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
