allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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