rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
