Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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