If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
