two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize