wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
