tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
