You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
