I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
