Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
