So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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