I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
