I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
