Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
