Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
