hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
