So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
