I just pynch a tree in the face
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
