Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
