just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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