i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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