And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
