How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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