I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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