i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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