i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
