Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
