C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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