Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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