Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize