i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
why does every cop we meet know your name?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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