Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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