I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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