I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
