On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
