Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
