Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Life is so much better after having sex.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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