I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
