i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
