I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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