i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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