He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
