Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
